Mutually Assured Destruction
by kates1304
Summary: A Misunderstanding causes Jac to disappear... can Mo help fix the wreckage she leaves behind...? Jonny/Jac/Mo two parter.
1. Chapter 1

He looks in the mirror. Doesn't recognise the pale, drawn face looking back at him. If he looks like he hasn't slept for six weeks then it's because he hasn't. He hasn't slept in more than brief snatches since the day of The Misunderstanding and when he does doze off he is invariably plagued by the same nightmare. He wakes up in a cold sweat, still searching for the little girl who in his dreams he is following but cannot reach. It is always a girl. Even though they never found out the sex of the baby – he'd wanted to, she'd chided him to stop being so bloody impatient – he has always imagined himself with a daughter. In his dream she has red hair like her mother's and grey eyes like his, and no matter how hard he tries he cannot catch her as she runs away from him.

'Jonny Mac' Mo is there. In these last few weeks since The Misunderstanding she has always been there. He's watched her run the gamut of emotions on his behalf – bewilderment, fury, distress – but she's always found it easier than him to show his feelings. That, as it turned out, was the whole problem. If he wasn't such an emotional retard then The Misunderstanding would never have happened and She would still be there. She would be making his life hell – that was a given – but at least he'd know where she was unlike now when the only thing that he knows is that she isn't where she should be. 'You shouldn't be working in this state'

'I'm fine' he replies. The last thing he needs is to be sent home sick because that means that he has time to think. To obsess. To try, and fail, to find her. The last time he was off work without Mo there to supervise he ended up screaming Her name outside her flat until the police were called. He didn't want that to happen again.

'You're not' she tells him firmly 'You should go home'

'To what?'

'It's not going to help matters if you end up in front of the GMC because you're not paying enough attention' she points out but then she backs down 'You can coordinate theatre and take bloods'

'Fine' he tells her. He doesn't care what he's doing, he only cares that she isn't going to send him home to face his demons.

**ooooo**

She isn't proud of it. At best it's betraying a friend, at worst it's gross professional misconduct, and yet she doesn't hesitate. She doesn't like rating her friends on a scale but if she did then Jonny would top the list every time, so it isn't such a stretch for her to betray another friend to help him. His happiness will always be paramount to her and right now the only way that she knows to make him happy is to fix the Godforsaken mess that he's made. She's heard about The Misunderstanding at length over the past few weeks – it's all that he can talk about – and she thinks that she knows enough about what happened to know that Jonny wasn't completely blameless. His crime might only have been being thick and a bit heavy handed but combined with the most volatile person in the history of the world it was enough to create this massive problem. It's enough to put her in a position that she never asked to be in. She doesn't want to be here, using somebody who she's come to regard as a close acquaintance if not a friend, but it's the only thing that she can think of. She's tried interrogating Sacha, Elliot and even Michael Spence but she believes them when they say that they don't know where She has gone. She's tried going to Her house and talking to the neighbours, but unsurprisingly they all seem to know her as just the strange girl at number twenty-six and nobody has even noticed that she's gone. She's tried everything else to avoid coming to this point but now she has reached the point where she doesn't feel that she had a lot of choice. Jonny will never do it himself and even if it did occur to him to do it, he doesn't have the necessary feminine wiles to wrap Mr T around his finger.

'Mo, this is a nice surprise' he seems genuinely thrilled to see her and that makes her feel even worse. She has been fending off his not terribly subtle advances for months now and now in order to get what she wants she has had to do an about face and use his feelings for her to her own ends. She doesn't feel good about it – in fact already she wants to go and scrub her skin in a hot shower until she feels clean again – but the thought of Jonny's pale face and red ringed eyes drives her on. She wants her friend back and she isn't going to get him back until somebody takes him and Jac and bangs their heads together. For that to happen she first has to work out where the hell Jac has gone.

'I just thought I'd come and say hi' she lies, flashing him an overly bright smile, wondering whether he can see the guilt that she feels oozing out of every pore.

'Well, Hi' he replies with a grin. 'How's it going up on Darwin?'

'Oh, y'know…' she shrugs '… same old, same old'

'I heard that you've been made locum consultant. Congratulations'

'Thanks' she replies, but she doesn't really mean it. She doesn't like being congratulated for her "promotion" because she's only got it because of The Misunderstanding, and she can't stand reaping any reward from something that has destroyed her friend.

'You should let me buy you a drink, to say well done' he adds eagerly and she nods her agreement.

'That would be lovely' she replies, pretending to be surprised but the truth is that this is exactly as she planned it. She knows what times he finishes his shift and she knows that every time he's seen her in the last few months he's asked her for a drink, so she has been counting on him doing the same this time. She doesn't want to lead him on but she has calculated that if they go for a drink now then he will have to go and get his coat, and that will mean him leaving her alone with his computer for long enough for her to do what she needs to do.

'Great! I'll fetch my coat' he tells her. He practically skips out of the room. As she sits down at his desk, takes the mouse and accesses his patient records she doesn't think she's ever hated herself more.

**ooooo**

Another night, another dozen pints in the bar. Normally Mo is there, keeping pace and helping him into a cab at the end of the night but tonight she appears to be on some kind of date with the gynaecologist. It's weird because he's sure that she's spent months trying to dodge Mr T and his advances yet now she seems to be almost encouraging. He doesn't question it too much because he's too caught up in his own misery. It is three days before Christmas, six weeks and two days since The Misunderstanding, and three weeks and four days until Jac is due to give birth to his child. For all he knows his baby has already arrived and is about to celebrate his or her first Christmas without him. If not then Jac is presumably still pregnant and cranky about it. Either way he should be there, driving her mad with his fussing, waiting anxiously for the birth of their child. It should be the best time of his life but instead it has turned into a nightmare because he doesn't know where she is.

**ooooo**

It takes her all night to shake off Mr T. By the time she has it is too late, and she is too drunk, to consider getting in her car and going and door-stepping Jac at the rental cottage in Holt Gorge where she has holed herself up. She doesn't tell Jonny what she's done because she knows what will happen. He'll demand the address and, drunk or not, he'll get in his car and he'll go over there. Him beating the front door down in the middle of the night, fired up by ten pints of beer and a couple of shots, will not help matters. Resolving The Misunderstanding is going to take tact, diplomacy and patience. Not Mo's strongest points but not Jonny's either and at least she isn't overwrought and sleep deprived.

When she gets in her car the next morning she pauses to consider the wisdom of what she's done. She knows that if – when – Jac realises how she's been found she will probably be baying for blood and she knows that if there's one thing more dangerous than a vindictive Jac then it's a vindictive Jac with a point. She knows that this could very easily get her and Mr T struck off and that she could just shred the address and pretend it never happened, but she also knows that it isn't that easy. Now that she knows the address there is no way to just make the knowledge go away, and she knows that if she doesn't go after Jac then every time she sees Jonny she will feel guilty because she knows that she has the ability to end his nightmare. She should be heading for the hospital but instead she calls in sick, putting on a convincingly hacking cough and a reed-thin voice that quickly convinces Elliot that she's come down with the pre-Christmas flu bug that's been going around. She has to keep up the pretence while he spends ten minutes telling her about his daughter who has had the exact same thing but eventually he rings off telling her to keep warm and stay in bed. She feels bad about him being so nice to her when she has taken the opportunity that he's given her and thrown it in his face by calling in sick almost immediately, but she doesn't dwell on it for long. She has more important things to think about, specifically what the hell she's going to say to Jac to make her come home. Telling her that Jonny is in a horrendous state won't do any good, neither will trying to resolve The Misunderstanding because that is a conversation that really needs to come from Jonny. She can't reason with Jac because when Jac's in a strop there's no talking to her and if she isn't in a strop already then she will be as soon as she realises that she's lost her little game of hide and seek. She wonders whether she'd be better off taking Jonny with her – letting him sort out his own mess because she's already gone above and beyond the call of duty for him – but she dismisses it. Jonny is a loose cannon at the best of times and she fears that if he comes face to face with Jac then he will let his mouth run away with him and no good can come of that. Better, she thinks, to try and solve things herself and give Jonny the chance of a conversation that he stands a chance of coming out of alive.

**ooooo**

She pulls up outside the cottage, cuts the engine and steels herself. She knows that there is no point in hanging around now that she's here, she's never been any good at procrastinating, and she knows that as long as she doesn't tell Jac how she found her the worst that can happen is that she'll be able to go back and tell Jonny that she's seen Jac and that she knows where she is. She bangs on the door but there is no answer and pressing her face against the windows she can see no sign of life. The house is clearly empty and her heart sinks. If after what she's had to do it turns out that Jac has already moved on she doesn't know what she'll do. Probably scream, cry, batter the steering wheel and then go back to Holby and pretend that this has never happened. Clutching at straws she tries the side gate, surprised when it swings open and she can creep into the back garden. She knows that this is probably trespass – a charge which, along with the gross professional misconduct, would be the final nail in the coffin of a glistening medical career – but she doesn't care. Now that she is here she is desperate to find some hint of Jac and if she needs to break and enter to do it then that is a price that she's willing to pay. She is surprised to find that the back door is open and she tiptoes into the kitchen, telling herself that if Jac can't be bothered to lock the door then it can't be breaking and entering. A glance around the kitchen tells her that Jac hasn't been gone long. Today's paper is on the side and there is fresh milk in the fridge. There is even an abandoned cup of tea on the side and it's still slightly warm. Wherever Jac has gone she hasn't been gone long and that gives Mo hope. She doesn't really want Jac coming home and finding her in the house – if that happens then the police will get called and she doesn't need to explain what she's doing here to the authorities – but at least Jac hasn't slipped her net completely. She is about to retrace her steps and head back to the car to wait for Jac to come home when she spots the patch of fluid on the floor and she knows where Jac will be.


	2. Chapter 2

She hates everybody and everything. She hates Jonny, that's a given, but with every second that passes she adds a new person to the list of people and things that she despises. She hates herself, she hates the midwife and the obstetrician and the HCA who came to take her blood. So far she has been denied an epidural because the "professionals" are insistent that her labour is not far enough progressed. They offered her a paracetamol – an offer that caused her to release a string of swear words that made the midwife blanche – and eventually gas and air, but it isn't doing her any good. It is like being simultaneously smothered, drowned and stabbed with red-hot knives and with every contraction she is more and more convinced that she isn't going to survive. In the last few minutes, since they gave her some drugs to try and hurry things along, she would have welcomed death if it meant that this torment was over.

'You' she manages to bark at the midwife during a brief moment's respite 'Epidural…' she adds, incapable of stringing together a sentence of more than one word.

'Jac, I'm sorry, we've got to wait for an anaesthetist' the midwife tells her apologetically. It is an improvement on telling her that at just over one centimetre dilated she isn't properly in labour and therefore doesn't need the epidural, but it still doesn't take the pain away.

'When?' she asks tearfully.

'There's been a pile up on the M5. All of the anaesthetists are in theatre. As soon as somebody is available they'll come down but it could be a long wait. Perhaps you could try the gas and air again…'

'No' she manages, the midwife spared from feeling the full force of her wrath by the new contraction that grips her back and makes her writhe in pain, wondering how many people would have paid good money to see her reduced to this pathetic, whimpering wreck. Jonny would, she thinks to herself tearfully. Jonny is probably the person sticking the pins in the voodoo doll.

When the mist clears and she comes up for air she is surprised to find that there is somebody else in the room. She thinks that it is a hallucination brought on by the gas and air, and her first thought is to wonder why of all the things to hallucinate she would choose to hallucinate Mo Effanga. The other woman looks at her with sympathy in her eyes, waiting for her to recover, and when she does Mo takes a damp cloth and wipes her forehead gently. It is a small kindness but she is pathetically grateful for it.

'What… you… doing… here?' she gasps, taking Mo's hand and gripping it hard because right now she needs a friend more than she's ever needed anything in the world and even though Mo isn't _her_ friend, she'll do.

'I thought you could maybe use some company' Mo tells her gently. It doesn't answer the question of how Mo knew that she was in labour and knew where to find her but she doesn't pursue it. She can't, not until the labour is over and she can think straight.

'Why?'

'You were there for me' Mo tells her simply, settling down in a chair at her side and going back to mopping her brow with the damp cloth. 'You know exactly what I got like when I was going through this. It's mutually assured destruction: I won't tell anybody that you just threatened to kill the midwife if you don't tell anybody that I tried to punch Mr T' she adds with a chuckle.

'Fine' Jac manages because at this point she doesn't actually care _why_ Mo is there – whether it's an act of friendship or some petty point scoring – all that really matters is that there is somebody there.

**ooooo**

'Mo…' she murmurs wearily, looking at the woman who is sitting in the chair beside her bed, gently cradling the sleeping baby in her arms leaving Jac free to get some sleep.

'Mmm…' Mo tears her eyes away from the baby's face and looks at Jac.

'Why are you here?' she asks. It's a question that has been bothering her for hours but for most of that time she's had bigger things to think about. Now that the baby is here and she's dosed up to the eyeballs she can finally address the question of what has brought Mo to her bedside.

'I told you: you were there for me, I'm repaying the favour' Mo tells her but she isn't so doped that she fails to notice the flash of guilt that passes across Mo's face and she knows that she's being lied to.

'How did you know I was here…?'

'I went to the house' Mo tells her awkwardly, looking as though she wishes that the ground would open up and swallow her whole. 'The cottage, where you're staying. I looked through the window: it was obvious what had happened'

'How did you find the cottage?' she asks. She isn't angry although from the look on Mo's face she probably should be because something underhand has clearly happened.

'I wanted to talk to you. About Jonny' Mo tells her, smoothly dodging the "how" question and choosing to answer the "why" that's coming next.

'What about him?' she asks tersely, deciding that for now she won't pursue the question of how Mo had found her. That is a question that she'll demand an answer to later.

'I know what he did – what he said. He didn't mean it…'

'Could have fooled me' Jac replies wearily. She's still smarting from the humiliation of that night and the last person that she wants to discuss it with is Mo. Not when Mo will defend Jonny to the hilt.

'He misunderstood you. He never meant to hurt you. And he's such a mess. I'll be honest with you: I can't keep picking up the pieces for him. He's going to get us both struck off'

'So you wanted to make him my problem?'

'No, I wanted to talk to you. To explain…'

'Go on then' Jac tells her wearily, thinking that five minutes of discussing the most humiliating thing to happen to her in a long while will discharge any debt that she owed to Mo. Five minutes and she can ask Mo to leave and get on with her life.

**ooooo**

He is following the little red headed, blue-eyed girl through the hospital corridors that rapidly turn into a maze. He is lost and desperate and no matter how fast he runs she's faster. He screams her name – Molly because that had been his favourite name even though Jac had kyboshed it – but she just keeps on moving away from him and then there is another noise. A banging; like somebody pounding on the front door. It takes him a couple of seconds to realise that it is somebody pounding on the door and that he is awake, and Molly has gone.

'Jonny Mac, open the door' it's Mo. Clearly she's lost her mind because she's standing on his doorstep, banging on the door and screaming his name and it's two-o-clock on Christmas morning. The neighbours already hate him: they're going to hate him a lot more now.

'What?' he opens the door and looks at her blearily.

'Get upstairs, get in the shower' she tells him, chivvying him along although he's not really sure why. It's two-o-clock in the morning. Surely he can be forgiven for not being as fresh as a daisy.

'Why?'

'Because you smell like an ashtray in a brewery' she tells him 'Go and get changed. We're going out'

**ooooo **

She drives for nearly an hour but she won't tell him where they're going. When he asks – and he does ask, over and over again – she only tells him that she's got a surprise for him. He is sure that whatever it is it won't cheer him up. She could have got him tickets for the FA Cup Final at Wembley and it wouldn't have raised so much as a smile in his current state of mind. When she eventually pulls up it's in the car park of a hospital on the outskirts of Bristol. He looks at her in askance, wondering why on earth she's brought him to a hospital in another city. Presumably they're here to harvest an organ – that's why they normally visit strange hospitals in the middle of the night – but usually when that happens it involves a helicopter and boiler suits, not Mo's Vauxhall Astra, and usually he knows about it up front. She gets out of the car and leads the way, locking the car behind them as they head in through the main entrance and she begins to navigate the maze of corridors. It is only when they walk past a sign for Maternity that it dawns on him that this probably isn't a work related matter. She stops outside the nursery, then punches in a code and opens the door, and he follows her, stunned by what is happening. He follows her to a crib at the back of the room. It has a pink label on the front. The words "Baby Naylor" printed on it in red marker pen. He is transfixed by the tiny girl in the crib: by the red hair poking out under the tiny hat and the tiny fingers and the tiny toes. His daughter. He doesn't know how Mo has found them, let alone how she has convinced Jac to let him anywhere near the baby. He wonders whether Jac even knows that they are here but when he turns back to ask he sees Jac standing on the other side of the window, arms folded across her chest, a small smile on her face. She doesn't look like she wants to kill him anymore. That is an improvement. He looks at Mo and she is still grinning triumphantly.

'How…?' he asks but she just shrugs.

'Long story' she tells him in a tone of voice that makes him realise that he shouldn't pursue it.

'Can I…' he gestures towards the baby, wondering whether he can pick her up. He can't see any monitors or tubes but she is early and he doesn't want to do her any damage with his eagerness. Also he is aware that Jac is still watching and he knows her well enough to fear that while she might be alright with him _seeing_ the baby, _touching _might be another thing altogether. He doesn't want to inadvertently provoke her any more than he already has.

'Sure' Mo replies, reaching into the cot, deftly scooping up the baby and placing her into his arms. Then she steps back to survey the scene. She looks delighted that her efforts have paid off and he is more grateful to her than he will ever be able to express.

**ooooo**

He falls asleep in the chair beside the baby's crib, cradling his daughter in his arms. For the first time in weeks he sleeps properly and he doesn't have the nightmare about losing his little girl. He has spoken to Jac only briefly: he apologised for being an idiot and offending her, she apologised for her disappearing act. Then they left it at that. Nothing more to say. She is back – as back as he needs her to be, anyway – and they have their daughter. Everything that went before – the fighting, the hatred, The Misunderstanding – doesn't seem to matter any more.

He is woken by the soft mewl of the baby's cry and although it is the most beautiful sound he's ever heard, it startles him. For a moment he is at a loss, unsure whether to feed her, change her nappy or just run to the midwife and ask for help. He doesn't do the latter because Jac's opinion of him is low enough already but with zero experience of babies, winging it isn't going to be easy. He is saved from his momentary panic by the hiss of a door and Mo who strolls into the room with two cups of coffee. He had assumed that she'd gone home – she could be forgiven because in the last twenty-four hours she's had even less sleep than he has – but he is relieved that she hasn't.

'Mo…' he looks at her with panic in his eyes '… what do you think the matter is?'

'The matter?' she looks amused 'Jonny, she's a baby. Nothing has to be the matter: this is just what they do'

'You don't think she's hungry?'

'She had a feed an hour ago. And if she'd filled her nappy then you'd know about it' she abandons the coffees and pulls up a chair beside him. She reaches out and fiddles with the baby's blankets and to his relief she settles down, dozing back off in his arms. As he cradles his daughter proudly, Mo rests her head on his shoulder, finally giving in to exhaustion. As he closes his eyes too, determined to sleep while he has the chance because he has a funny feeling that Jac will have him on the night shift for a long time to come, he hears Mo mumble:

'Merry Christmas, Jonny Mac'


End file.
